Friendship

I just got into the biggest fight with my bff, but that brought us closer. I don't regret my decision because if I didn't talk to her, I would have been sitting in my room thinking that she was actually hating me. I've been misunderstanding for days on end, but after discussing the issues and everything, I realized that nothing was what it seemed. I was just overexaggerating and believing what I wanted to believe. I wasn't being open minded. I think this fight was for the better. I'm glad that we talked it out and that we became closer:) cuz now I know that she really does care and that she is actually the greatest friend I can ask for. If you read this you know what I'm talking about!!! Comment!

Hopeful Romantic - This Century

LOVE

I think I have turned into a hippie:) I support love and not hate. I can't stand it when I almost talk bad about someone:( I hate that part of me. I wanna love all my enemies and love all my friends. I can't help it. & I'm determined to become a vegetarian. For many MAAAANy reasons. I want to stop endangering animals, stop killing animals, it's healthy and many other reasons:) haha.... I've fallen in love with the color green and I fell in love with a whole bunch of disney singers/ bands. I know WEIRD:) but i don't really care what people think.

get back - demi lovato

SUMMER BREAK:)

it's finally summer!! I'm so SO happy right now. I still have piles of summer hw, but i'm going to think about that a little later:) haha, which means i'm definately maybe thinking about procrastinating. I know that's bad, but yeah. I'm going to be doing some stuff over summer:
1. our lovely notebook
2. stories:)
3. practicing guitar
4. practicing piano
5. creating music
6. summer hw
7. apply for colleges
8. and this blog:)

Neglect

My life is spiraling down... almost to absolute despair...
I feel like my world is falling down. I don't know what to do anymore...
i'm failing at everything. My grades are very low. My parents don't
think i'm the best. I have siblings that they admire more. I'm completely alone.
Right when I feel like there's someone to help me from this life, i don't...
i could feel everything slipping from my hands.
I don't know what's happening, what's gotten into me.
My life's gradually getting worse as it goes on.
Sometimes I wonder, where's god? I want to cry out, where are you??
Why can't I ever be happy from my heart? I'm never a hundred percent happy.
I know, I have this sadness that always stays in my heart even if I deny it and
be all happy and positive with my friends.
I guess I'm totally good at decieving people.
I hate how I'm so broken.... so lost....
why isn't anyone there for me for support??
I see my cousins and other friends that have family and friends that support them. Where's mine?? I wish I could be the girl that was positive and outgoing. I hate myself so so much. I wonder who am I?? How come I don't have one thing I'm totally good at?? Why can't I stop myself from being compared? Honestly, I think I'm good at some things, but when I see other people, I realize, Oh... I'm actually not that good. and when I ask people to check out my songs that I've created, it's to make myself feel like I do belong and that I have a talent. but what am I fooling myself for?? I'm never going to be the person I want to be. I'm never going to be the perfect person. the one my parents love more, the one people like hanging out with. the one that sets the trend. why is life so hard?? I hate it:(

Lately...

hmm... lately I've been feeling left out, like i don't belong in this world. I know i am having fun, but don't you feel like sometimes your an extra??? like my cousins have each other i'm alone. I'm always alone... the only way i can escape from reality and be myself is music. I'm gradually being sucked into a black hole of music:) can't stop listening to it and it's like i'm falling into another world! I know that i'm not the brightest at school and not the prettiest. I'm average at everything. The only thing that's good about me is my creativity. I honestly don't know what that can do for you in life. I won't be able to get a job with just that. But i've always wanted to become a flight attendant. I'm still reaching for that dream but even that's hard!! GAH! i hate life sometimes!!

Give him up - Faber Drive

SUMMER!

Definately excited for summer break! I haven't been posting up blogs lately, but I'm totally going to start updating a whole bunch over the summer:) I think my life's a rollercoaster that takes turns every second. One thing I'm depressed, the next, i'm so happy I think the world is on my side. It's funny:) and Lately I have been OBSESSED WITH THESE THINGS:)
1. Guitar
2. the song, give him up - faber drive
3. TOOTHLESS
4. Nevershoutnever
5. the story, JUST AN ACT:)

Please leave me a comment!

Music: The way she feels - between the trees

Between the trees is officially my favorite band! I love them. I'm hooked.

Death Date

Janet, I think you have to prepare my funeral for me, cuz I'm stressed like no other. Lately, everything has been hectic. I have a 10 minute speech tomorrow, 2 essays, a quiz, and even a presidential outline. << Those take FOREVER! If you see bags under my eyes, that's the reason. I'm so stressed right now and i'm lacking like 24 hours of sleep. HEHE!! SAVE ME! i'm in hell!

Music

I just went back to all the music I listened to a long time ago! hehe:) I fell in love all over again.
PLEASE LISTEN TO:
Sucrette
Aira Mitsuki
I've always loved these two singers but I haven't listened to them in a while!
Also:
Perfume:)

Spring Break

I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING IN A LONG LONG TIME!!! It's kinda cuz I've been trying to catch up on my stories. I'm still not ahead even though I tried to write my stories. I'm also catching up on major hw. I'm so tired=.=
Over spring break I've been doing the following:
Tennis
Janet and my lovely notebook
stories
hw
watching dramas:)

Night Class

Just came back from another night class. This is so familiar. I did the exact same thing last week didn't I? GAH! i'm so exhausted, but I'm staying up to organize everything and write Janet plenty of notes so she can spend the whole trip to CALI reading my messages. Just be informed that the notebook will be filled. you'll be unexpectedly surprised. It may even consist of more than 10 pages. HEHE... anyways. I'm spending like the whole night editing my stories and catching up on hw, cuz that's what I do! and I printed out new piano sheet music to Dandelion's Promise by Jay Chou and The Swan from secret. I love these songs. I'm going to perfect these songs. I swear!!! <<< oops.. I can't swear. Oh WELL. anyways. gotta update my picture diary and my stories. BA-BYE :)

Life

I think my life isn't so great right now. I don't feel like anyone cares about me. My mom is careless about what I do. She hates me. I could see the disappointment in her eyes when I tell her about my grades. My aunt doesn't treat me as well as my cousins because they get better grades and she doesn't care about me. She gave up hope on me. Everyone in my life uses me as a backup. I know this is bad, but lately I've been thinking about what it'd be like to actually die and meet god. BLEH. i hate myself for being so depressing sometimes, but it's cuz my family is a pain. I don't really have a saviour in my life. ONLY GOD. but if i die, i can see that he's really there for me. but at the same time, I'm really scared. What if it wasn't what I expected and if dying meant living in suffering through out eternity? I want to fulfill my dreams before I die. I'll become a flight attendant and I can be independant. I won't have to rely on family or friends when I get depressed because I can be independant. GAH! I wish I was strong like that and outgoing! Thanx for devoting your time once again. GOTTA GO.

ANOTHER LATE DAY OF HW

This is definitly a song from secret! i love this song. It's called angel. Anyways, I'm staying up till super late for hw. It's already midnight! GAH! stupid school! i wish I didn't procrastinate. I haven't been able to update lately, cuz of my parents and all this drama. I think family causes so much drama. I hate this oh so much. I updated on my story blog. I got one of my old stories, SNOW FLAKES and I'm editing it. I read it myself and I fell in love with my own stories. How strange. hehe.. i hope you guys read. Lately, I have been really really behind on my faith with god. I'm slowly drifting away, but I don't want that. Each time I get these sad and depressing times, he comes and gets me so that I don't do anything rash. I love him for that. I realize that I have him and that if people don't accept the way I am. He'll be there for me to tell me, Carolyn I got your back. JK. but still it's true! Whoever's reading! Thanx for devoting your time in reading this blog. don't be shy... comment please :)

Snowy Day

It's snowing... I really wish it wasn't, but at the same time, I love it. I'm skipping tennis today so it kinda feels great to just go home early and take a break. Luckily, today is a Friday. I'm determined to become a flight attendant and I know that I get at least 600 dollars for one trip. I like this job and if my parents don't agree, I don't care because I won't give up. I'm still attending college to get experience with customer service so that I can get a higher chance of being considered at a flight. I miss going to school for fun and not for work. Don't you just wish that life could be opposite? everything boring was fun and everything fun was >>>> fun? hehe. well, that's not the opposite but I don't want everything fun to be boring. Then, I wouldn't blogging right?! I LOVE BLOGGING. anyways. Oh yeah, Janet... keep me updated on the trip to CALI. Tell me if you see any hot guys or cute accessories. <<< i don't think I spelled that right. Well please comment and thanx for visiting my page :)

Friends

Hmm.. I've been updating and fixing my story blog so I haven't written in this one. On Wed. I went to go watch Green Zone. It was kinda lame. I don't like war movies. It's boring, but at least I didn't fall asleep, right?! Anyways, I totally got my mom a job today. She had an online interview and I practically typed up everything for her. Luckily, she's taking me out to Chipotle or something. Anyways, on to my topic. Lately, I've been feeling left out and lonely. I realized that all my friends have their own friends and everything seems perfect except me. I don't fit in the picture. I never do... I feel like sometimes, I'm just the back up if another friend can't make it. <<<< not including you Janet. If their friends leave, I'll be the one they'll go to. I don't really like that. Why can't everything be equal? I don't like how someone can like another friend more than the other. It just isn't fair, but who's to say? I'll be a hypocrite. Its the same for me. I do like my other friends more, but it's because that friend understands my feelings most and she helps me the most. (janet...)

My STORY

I just finished my first chapter! if your (janet) reading this! please comment on this post!! i put our notebook in my locker and i wrote like 5 pages. I totally lost against Anabelle in tennis yesterday by like 1 to 6. It was terrible, but i guess that was my first game, so that's okay. I think that your story is great! << moonbeam cafe. i think its somewhat better than mine. HEHE.. and i'm not excited for friday. i want to stay at home all day for CSAPS! When you join tennis next year. I'm definately going to beat you if your going to be there for Grandviews. I didn't beat Anabelle. BTW, she's way too good!

SPRING

at last, it's finally spring! i love the spring breeze and the blooming of flowers. the only thing i don't like is bugs come back. BLEH. i'm so scared of spiders and stuff. GAH.. but that means everythings getting a lot more hotter. Meaning i have to wear less clothing and put my hair up when it's super hot. ITS TENNIS! i'm excited for the tennis match today! i'm totally beating GRANDVIEW. hehe, if i can :) JANET. I finished our lovely notebook and i'm putting in my locker soon!!

Night Class

Another tedious day of night classes and tennis. I feel like my eyes are going to fall out of my eye sockets and the whole world seems harsh:( BLEH!! i'm dying of stress in school. Anyways, JANET!! this week is going to be hectic so I wanted you to have my locker combo so that you can come visit my locker and check out our lovely notebook. Honestly, I'm going to school everyday but at 3 PM and you're only going to be there till 2PM so i was going to give it to you through locker. UNLESS, your attending the tennis match!! i hope that you can go!! that'd be great!! You should check out my other blog, picture diary!! keke.. it's cute and you should totally comment!!

1 AM

yes, i know.. i'm a freak. I'm on blogger at 1 in the morning!! KYA!! i'm just doing hw till super duper late. I have like an essay and a research paper i gotta do! BLEH! anyways, i'm totally obsessed with this korean manga called "Don't Touch Me" and its super duper cute!! hehe.. i'm such a dork. and JANET!! i'm totally psyched about our notebook. (I'm not sure I spelled psyched right but oh well!!) I'll make sure to write lots on our notebook and put lots of cute things in it!! KEKE... and update your story often!! i'm interested!! <<<< Moonbeam Cafe.. It's very interesting and cute!! A GOOD START!! as you can see, i'm very poetic in our lovely notebook!! have you noticed?

Stolen - Dashboard Confessional

This is currently my favorite SONG!!!

Results: Remember Me

The movie was totally depressing. I HATE THE ENDING!!! it was totallly unexpected. Even though I didn't like Robert Patterson, it was a decent movie. I'm going to go watch another movie on wednsday!! Since I'm a Junior, I don't have to go to school for CSAPS, but the sucky thing is that I do need to go to school everyday for TENNIS!! that sux! and i can't believe were going to be going against GRANDVIEW next week. (to Janet: YOU SHOULD TOTALLLY GO TO THE TENNIS MATCH!!!)

Remember Me!

I'm going to go watch "Remember Me" today. I don't really like Robert Patteson from Twilight, but I'm just going to watch it for a biology heart rate experiment. I have to watch a movie today and tomorrow. I'm excited but at the same time, i'm not. The movie doesn't sound that great. I think I would have been excited if the guy was cuter. I'm watching another comedy movie but i have no idea what its called or what its about. I guess I'll find out on Sunday. BTW: its like at 7 pm. so i'm going to be uber tired, but oh well.

we can try - between the trees

Talent Show

I signed up for the talent show and messed up. The next day I found out that I didn't get in. I was totally disappointed and angry but oh well. I guess its for the better. I wouldn't really have been able to go to the practice recital thingy anyways. I'm kinda busy with tennis. I'm so excited for tennis! I totally bought tennis skirts and were actually going to play against other people (GRANDVIEW) !!! I'm gonna beat them all! TEEHEE

Music to listen to...

Bigger than love - My Favorite Highway
In my heart - My Favorite Highway
Come on get higher - Matt Nathanson
We can try - Between the trees
All I'm thinking of - All Night
Stay Up All Night - All Night Dynamite
The Falling Farewell - Jersey
Room 94 - Shipwreck
Romance on a rocketship - dancing on your grave
The city view - you told me everything
Always look before you leap - 100yearsisforever
A sunset diary - tidal waves

Oblivious T.T

I'm so angry at everyone around me. I don't feel like I'm important in life. I just wish people would start listening to the quote, "Watch what you say, because that might be the last things you say to that person." I'm considering this quote and I think that it's really true. We should all watch what we say. People are so oblivious to when they hurt people's feelings in a simple joke. It may sound like a joke, but it can also deeply hurt someone. I literally have no one to trust now. All my friends don't see me as their best friend, mostly.

Friends

Today's not exactly valentines day but i got to hang out with a couple people. I have only 3 true best friends that i can trust. But the ones that aren't my true friends really hurt me. I hate it. It may seem like a joke, but its really offensive and cruel. Sometimes i wish i hadn't met them. (that sounds harsh) but i'm just sick of them picking on me. I don't want to be friends with people who don't think of each other as friends and more like slaves or something. And i hate the expectations friends make for others. There shouldn't be any expectations. Like, you need to dress this way to be my friend, or you need to act this way to be my friend. That's just not right, Why don't we just hang out with the people that best understands us? friends are people that support you had hard times, but i don't see that in the people i call friends except my three true best friends. :(