Life

I think my life isn't so great right now. I don't feel like anyone cares about me. My mom is careless about what I do. She hates me. I could see the disappointment in her eyes when I tell her about my grades. My aunt doesn't treat me as well as my cousins because they get better grades and she doesn't care about me. She gave up hope on me. Everyone in my life uses me as a backup. I know this is bad, but lately I've been thinking about what it'd be like to actually die and meet god. BLEH. i hate myself for being so depressing sometimes, but it's cuz my family is a pain. I don't really have a saviour in my life. ONLY GOD. but if i die, i can see that he's really there for me. but at the same time, I'm really scared. What if it wasn't what I expected and if dying meant living in suffering through out eternity? I want to fulfill my dreams before I die. I'll become a flight attendant and I can be independant. I won't have to rely on family or friends when I get depressed because I can be independant. GAH! I wish I was strong like that and outgoing! Thanx for devoting your time once again. GOTTA GO.