it's finally summer!! I'm so SO happy right now. I still have piles of summer hw, but i'm going to think about that a little later:) haha, which means i'm definately maybe thinking about procrastinating. I know that's bad, but yeah. I'm going to be doing some stuff over summer:
1. our lovely notebook
2. stories:)
3. practicing guitar
4. practicing piano
5. creating music
6. summer hw
7. apply for colleges
8. and this blog:)
Neglect
My life is spiraling down... almost to absolute despair...
I feel like my world is falling down. I don't know what to do anymore...
i'm failing at everything. My grades are very low. My parents don't
think i'm the best. I have siblings that they admire more. I'm completely alone.
Right when I feel like there's someone to help me from this life, i don't...
i could feel everything slipping from my hands.
I don't know what's happening, what's gotten into me.
My life's gradually getting worse as it goes on.
Sometimes I wonder, where's god? I want to cry out, where are you??
Why can't I ever be happy from my heart? I'm never a hundred percent happy.
I know, I have this sadness that always stays in my heart even if I deny it and
be all happy and positive with my friends.
I guess I'm totally good at decieving people.
I hate how I'm so broken.... so lost....
why isn't anyone there for me for support??
I see my cousins and other friends that have family and friends that support them. Where's mine?? I wish I could be the girl that was positive and outgoing. I hate myself so so much. I wonder who am I?? How come I don't have one thing I'm totally good at?? Why can't I stop myself from being compared? Honestly, I think I'm good at some things, but when I see other people, I realize, Oh... I'm actually not that good. and when I ask people to check out my songs that I've created, it's to make myself feel like I do belong and that I have a talent. but what am I fooling myself for?? I'm never going to be the person I want to be. I'm never going to be the perfect person. the one my parents love more, the one people like hanging out with. the one that sets the trend. why is life so hard?? I hate it:(
I feel like my world is falling down. I don't know what to do anymore...
i'm failing at everything. My grades are very low. My parents don't
think i'm the best. I have siblings that they admire more. I'm completely alone.
Right when I feel like there's someone to help me from this life, i don't...
i could feel everything slipping from my hands.
I don't know what's happening, what's gotten into me.
My life's gradually getting worse as it goes on.
Sometimes I wonder, where's god? I want to cry out, where are you??
Why can't I ever be happy from my heart? I'm never a hundred percent happy.
I know, I have this sadness that always stays in my heart even if I deny it and
be all happy and positive with my friends.
I guess I'm totally good at decieving people.
I hate how I'm so broken.... so lost....
why isn't anyone there for me for support??
I see my cousins and other friends that have family and friends that support them. Where's mine?? I wish I could be the girl that was positive and outgoing. I hate myself so so much. I wonder who am I?? How come I don't have one thing I'm totally good at?? Why can't I stop myself from being compared? Honestly, I think I'm good at some things, but when I see other people, I realize, Oh... I'm actually not that good. and when I ask people to check out my songs that I've created, it's to make myself feel like I do belong and that I have a talent. but what am I fooling myself for?? I'm never going to be the person I want to be. I'm never going to be the perfect person. the one my parents love more, the one people like hanging out with. the one that sets the trend. why is life so hard?? I hate it:(
Lately...
hmm... lately I've been feeling left out, like i don't belong in this world. I know i am having fun, but don't you feel like sometimes your an extra??? like my cousins have each other i'm alone. I'm always alone... the only way i can escape from reality and be myself is music. I'm gradually being sucked into a black hole of music:) can't stop listening to it and it's like i'm falling into another world! I know that i'm not the brightest at school and not the prettiest. I'm average at everything. The only thing that's good about me is my creativity. I honestly don't know what that can do for you in life. I won't be able to get a job with just that. But i've always wanted to become a flight attendant. I'm still reaching for that dream but even that's hard!! GAH! i hate life sometimes!!