Neglect

My life is spiraling down... almost to absolute despair...
I feel like my world is falling down. I don't know what to do anymore...
i'm failing at everything. My grades are very low. My parents don't
think i'm the best. I have siblings that they admire more. I'm completely alone.
Right when I feel like there's someone to help me from this life, i don't...
i could feel everything slipping from my hands.
I don't know what's happening, what's gotten into me.
My life's gradually getting worse as it goes on.
Sometimes I wonder, where's god? I want to cry out, where are you??
Why can't I ever be happy from my heart? I'm never a hundred percent happy.
I know, I have this sadness that always stays in my heart even if I deny it and
be all happy and positive with my friends.
I guess I'm totally good at decieving people.
I hate how I'm so broken.... so lost....
why isn't anyone there for me for support??
I see my cousins and other friends that have family and friends that support them. Where's mine?? I wish I could be the girl that was positive and outgoing. I hate myself so so much. I wonder who am I?? How come I don't have one thing I'm totally good at?? Why can't I stop myself from being compared? Honestly, I think I'm good at some things, but when I see other people, I realize, Oh... I'm actually not that good. and when I ask people to check out my songs that I've created, it's to make myself feel like I do belong and that I have a talent. but what am I fooling myself for?? I'm never going to be the person I want to be. I'm never going to be the perfect person. the one my parents love more, the one people like hanging out with. the one that sets the trend. why is life so hard?? I hate it:(

Life

I think my life isn't so great right now. I don't feel like anyone cares about me. My mom is careless about what I do. She hates me. I could see the disappointment in her eyes when I tell her about my grades. My aunt doesn't treat me as well as my cousins because they get better grades and she doesn't care about me. She gave up hope on me. Everyone in my life uses me as a backup. I know this is bad, but lately I've been thinking about what it'd be like to actually die and meet god. BLEH. i hate myself for being so depressing sometimes, but it's cuz my family is a pain. I don't really have a saviour in my life. ONLY GOD. but if i die, i can see that he's really there for me. but at the same time, I'm really scared. What if it wasn't what I expected and if dying meant living in suffering through out eternity? I want to fulfill my dreams before I die. I'll become a flight attendant and I can be independant. I won't have to rely on family or friends when I get depressed because I can be independant. GAH! I wish I was strong like that and outgoing! Thanx for devoting your time once again. GOTTA GO.